Less is Less Holiday Guide
If you are currently looking at the date and feeling the “Christmas noose beginning to tighten,” - this blog post is for you.
There are thousands of gift guides out there telling you what to buy and who to buy them for. That is not this. I will guide you in the general direction of gifts at some point, but my intent is mainly to guide you towards relief of holiday angst. The main sources of stress for most people during the holidays is not having enough time and/or not having enough money - all while seasonal depression is looming. Getting clear on what’s most important to you during this season & buying less is key to feeling more at peace through the holidays.
This time of year is so plush with consumerism. From Halloween through New Years, it seems like everyone is trying to convince you of what you need and what to buy. Everywhere you look there are advertising campaigns claiming one outfitter or another has all your “Winter Must-Haves” & “Holiday Essentials.” For a long time, I got caught in the buzz. I spent Decembers tracking down sales, searching for the perfect holiday outfit, rushing to get the tree, decorate the house, bake cookies, find events to go to, and do all the things we are expected to do during the holidays. Recently I realized that through all that hustle, what I was really searching for during the holidays was deep presence, peace, and love. Those are the things that I value most. & without all the hustling, the darkness of December makes it the best time for peaceful rest & deep presence with people I love.
For the last few years, I’ve been working to create my perfect holiday season - by accepting that there is no such thing as a perfect holiday. The “Spirit of Christmas” is a marketing tool that effectively made me feel like if I wasn’t in pure bliss throughout the month of December, I was somehow unlovable & needed to immediately buy a bunch of stuff to rectify my flawed nature. At a very young age, TV, music, movies, advertisements, & American Girl Doll catalogues created a feeling of Christmastime that only exists in my head & is never the reality of the month of December. It’s taken some time to consciously rethink this month & accept December for what it is.
It’s not just Christmas and the constant pressure to do more that keeps us feeling like we are short on time this month. There is literally less time in the day. Through December the days are getting shorter leading up to the Winter Solstice, the shortest day of the year, which usually lands right around December 21st - mere days before Christmas. After the Winter Solstice, the amount of daylight slowly increases until the longest day of the year - the Summer Solstice in June.
Connecting with the natural rhythm of the seasons during Christmastime has been revolutionary for me understanding why I feel the way I do during December. We are literally expected to do more with less daytime! This dichotomy creates the tension many feel during the holidays. & as much as I know most people hate that it’s dark when they leave work in the evening, the darkness has a natural purpose - rest. The darkness only sucks because we feel obligated to do anything other than chill TF out!
It seems during the holidays there are so many expectations, traditions, norms, etc. that we forget we have free will. The solution to having less time is saying, “No,” more & doing less. Narrow down what activities you enjoy the most & do only those things. This is the month to slow down, take your personal days, & be very conscious of where you are putting your energy. This will allow more time for the rest our bodies naturally crave at the end of the year.
During the holidays, we also are spending our time and money shopping for and buying gifts. If thinking of others keeps you from succumbing to holiday blues & you enjoy tracking down the perfect gift for everyone on your list - do that, within your means. If buying gifts for everyone on your list is causing you financial stress, consider shopping used. I know there’s some weird taboos around used gifts, but I promise - it’s cool. I’ve been giving mostly used gifts for the last few years & I’ve found that it allows me to buy higher quality gifts, for less (not to mention it’s better for the environment & reduces waste). Last Christmas I got my mom a vintage Coach leather handbag for $20 & she uses it every day.
If you’re not quite onboard with giving used gifts or don’t have time to search through racks at thrift stores, you might try saving money by buying fewer gifts. Instead of buying several gifts for the people you love to fill the spaces under the tree - buy one, thoughtful, quality gift.
Gifting experiences rather than physical gifts can be a thoughtful alternative. Offer to take someone on your list out to dinner (before or after the holiday), give a gift card to a favorite local restaurant, a certificate for a free massage, pedicure, or facial. One of my very thoughtful friends once gave me a National Parks Pass for my birthday and I got into National Parks for free for a whole year! Give an experience by shopping for gifts on Groupon, gifting a round of golf, or a wine tasting. Another alternative to physical gifts is giving a subscription to a streaming service. My amazing aunt gave me her Netflix login for Christmas & that, truly, has brought me so much joy year after year.
If you absolutely resent the fact that you’re expected to read people’s minds & just know what they want or need in their lives - don’t buy gifts at all. Or if you’re somewhere in between, like me, you like buying gifts, but not if it feels at all stressful or pressure-y - buy gifts only when it feels good to you. This will free up more time and money for you to do things you actually enjoy doing.
Your family may be disappointed if you show up to Christmas without gifts for them, but their disappointment is not your responsibility. If you are buying gifts solely out of obligation, you will likely show up on Christmas, more bitter & resentful than cheerful & peaceful. That tension will come out somewhere, through outright arguing, passive aggression, or a generally begrudged attitude & likely block you from the true connection we’re seeking when we exchange gifts.
When you give a gift, it can be an offering of closeness. It’s saying, “I see you, I think about you & notice what you want/need/use/enjoy. This was something I thought you might like.” What a lovely sentiment! However, the ritual of gift giving has gotten so tied up with consumerism that we’ve been conditioned to believe that if we receive a gift from someone, we must reciprocate or face the shame and guilt of being a careless & rude person.
I have an alternative perspective. For me, the incentive for giving a gift to someone is the joy I feel when I conceptualize, shop for, and ultimately give the gift to the recipient of said gift. I would love for them to enjoy the gift, of course, but all I really want in return for my efforts is acknowledgment of the gesture & a gracious thank you. No guilt or shame necessary if they don’t have a gift for me.
Giving gifts out of obligation, leads people to waste time and money buying things the recipient does not want or need at all. & then the recipient feels pressure to keep the thing because, “Oh, So-And-So gave it to me!” There’s no such thing as one way liberation. If you don’t like shopping for gifts, the people in your life likely don’t enjoy receiving gifts from you.
Unwanted gifts result in overstuffed cabinets, dresser drawers spilling over, & cluttered counters, shelves, and windowsills. For what? To uphold some silent obligation we’ve all agreed to to keep gifts - even ones we don’t actually enjoy? What a tremendous burden we are putting on recipients of our gifts when we abide to these arbitrary gift-giving standards!
I know abandoning the entire gift exchange element of Christmas is quite contrary from the norms we’ve upheld around Christmastime. I don’t mean to be a Grinch, only to free anyone trapped in obligatory rituals that don’t actually serve them. Continue holiday-ing the way you’ve always holiday-ed if that’s what makes you joyful. I just wanted to offer an alternative way of approaching the holidays in case anyone else is fed up with feeling holiday stress.
All the rushing & searching & shopping to collect things to give to your loved ones can make the holidays feel frantic. If you’re like most people, time and money is limited & that is even more true during the month of December (see my genius explanation of seasons). It doesn’t have to be like that! By focusing on the quality of your gifts rather than the quantity (or not giving gifts at all), you can focus your time, energy, and money on what truly matters to you. You may give fewer gifts, but get more peace, presence, & closeness.
For me, this new approach to the holidays makes it so all I “must have” in the winter is deep presence and connection with people I love. & the only “essentials” I need are warmth, comfort, nourishment, and peace. Less frantic rushing, less stuff, less static - more calm, more rest, more love, more joy. I hope this guide helps you to get more of what you are searching for this holiday - whatever that is. I love you, Merry Christmas, & Happy Holidays.
With love,
Marissa